Tag: political-jokes
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.
“Well,” he whispered, “I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, ‘Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'”
“He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, ‘George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'”
“We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us.” 
Q: Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog, Seamus, to the roof of his car?
A: Because his station wagon was full of wives!”
Q: How did Mitt Romney make hundreds of millions of dollars?
A: By turning $21 an hour jobs into $9 an hour jobs.
Q: What did Mitt Romney learn at Bain Capital?
A: How to destroy worker’s lives, steal pensions, pioneer outsourcing, and master tax dodging!
Q: Why is Mitt Romney so optimistic about the future of our economy?
A: Because he’s the only presidential candidate with over 200 million dollars in the bank!
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Barack Obama.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches
while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care
to all Americans is socialism.
HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.
Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A
president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands died is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
Friends don’t let friends vote Republican.
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.”
“Sure,” says the GM chairman. “But would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?” 