Category: Political jokes
A woman went to her doctor for advice.
She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.
“Do you enjoy it?” The doctor asked.
“Actually, yes, I do.”
“Does it hurt you?” he asked.
“No. I rather like it.”
“Well, then,” the doctor continued, “there’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.”
The woman was mystified.
“What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?”
“Of course,” the doctor replied, “Where do you think politicians come from?”
A priest walked into a barbershop in Washington, D.C. After he got his
haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, “No charge. I consider
it a service to the Lord.”
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a
thank you note from the priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in and got his haircut. He then asked
how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the
community.”
The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank
you note from the police officer.
Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much
it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the country.”
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators waiting
at the door.
Laura Bush went to the doctor for a check up and got a clean bill of health.
When she got home George asked her, “So how did the appointment go?”
Laura bragged, “the Doctor said I have the heart and lungs of a
twenty-year-old.”
George smirked, “Oh yeah? And what did he have to say about
your fifty year old ass?”
Laura replied: “Your name didn’t come up.”
One night, G.W. Bush was awakened by George Washington’s ghost.
Bush asked, “George, what is the best thing I could do to help
the country, now that I am elected President?”
“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised
George.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the
dark bedroom. “Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help
the country, now that I am elected President?” Bush asked. “Cut
taxes and reduce the size of government,” advised Tom.
Bush didn’t sleep well the next night, and saw yet another
figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln’s ghost.
“Abe, what is the best thing I could do for the country, now
that I have been elected President?” Bush asked. “Go to the
theater,” replied Abe.
Here are some 100% REAL quotes that our delightful president
George W. Bush uttered over the past few years:
“This is preservation month. I appreciate preservation. It’s
what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve.”
-Speaking during “Perserverence Month” at a New Hampshire grade
school
“I know how hard it is to put food on your family.”
“This is still a dangerous world. It’s a world of madmen and
uncertainty and potential mental losses.”
“We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just
like you like to be liked yourself.”
Georgie’s Daddy has had some interesting things to say, too:
“For seven and a half years, I’ve worked alongside President
Reagan. We’ve had triumphs. Made some mistakes. Had some sex…
uh… I mean, setbacks.”
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier.
A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened.
“Well,” he whispered, “I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, ‘Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'”
“He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, ‘George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'”
“We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us.” 
Q: Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog, Seamus, to the roof of his car?
A: Because his station wagon was full of wives!”
Q: How did Mitt Romney make hundreds of millions of dollars?
A: By turning $21 an hour jobs into $9 an hour jobs.
Q: What did Mitt Romney learn at Bain Capital?
A: How to destroy worker’s lives, steal pensions, pioneer outsourcing, and master tax dodging!
Q: Why is Mitt Romney so optimistic about the future of our economy?
A: Because he’s the only presidential candidate with over 200 million dollars in the bank!
