A lady went to the vets to ask about how to prevent her dog from snoring. As a result she was told that if u tie a ribbon around a snoring dogs penis her will roll over and stop snoring so she goes home and that night her dog starts snoring so she goes out into the kitchen a gets a red ribbon out of the droor and ties it around the dogs penis and sure enough he rolls over and stops snoring.
Later that night her husband begins to snore so she goes into the kitchen again and gets a blue ribbon and ties it around her husbands penis and so he rolls over and stops snoring.
In the morning her husband wakes up and looks down at the dog, then down at himself and says “I dont know what happened last night but it appears we came in first and second!!

A MAN GOES FOR AN INTERVIEW AFTER HES SEEN AN ADVERT TRAPEZE ARTIST WANTED.THE INTERVIEWER ASKS THE MAN IF HE IS ANY GOOD ON A TRAPEZE WIRE,YES IVE BEEN DOING IT FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER REPLIES THE MAN.THERE IS ONE PROBLEM THOUGH SAYS THE INTERVIEWER YOU WILL HAVE TO DRESS UP IN A GORILLA OUTFIT AND THERE WILL BE NO SAFETY NET AND LIONS AND TIGERS WILL BE RIGHT UNDERNEATH YOU.NO PROBLEM,A DODDLE SAYS THE MAN.RIGHT YOU HAVE THE JOB START TONIGHT.SO THERE HE IS ON THE WIRE DOING ALL SORTS OF TRICKS WHEN HE SLIPS AND FALLS DOWN INTO THE PIT WITH THE TIGERS AND LIONS. HE SCREAMS AND RUNS TO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE AND SHOUTS IM NOT A REAL GORILLA LET ME OUT OF HERE WHEN A LION TAPS HIM ON THE SHOULDER AND SAYS SHUT UP YOU WILL GET US ALL SACKED…