Tag: animal-jokes

Talking Parrots

A woman approaches her priest and tells him, ‘Father, I have a problem. I have two talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”What do they say?’ the priest inquires.’They only know how to say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?””That’s terrible,’ the priest exclaims, ‘but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots that I taught to pray and recite the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.”Thank you,’ the woman responds.The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The woman puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun? One of the male parrots looks over at the other male parrot and says, ‘Put the beads away, our prayers have been answered.’

100 MPH Goat,

Two Texas rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along, they come upon a huge hole in the ground.
They approach it and are amazed at the size of it.
The first hunter says, “Wow, that’s some hole; I can’t even see the bottom.
I wonder how deep it is!”
The second hunter says, “I don’t know. Let’s throw somethin’ down there,
listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom.”
The first hunter says, “Hey, there’s an old automobile transmission over
there. Give me a hand, we’ll throw it in and see.”
So they pick it up and carry it over and count one, two, three and heave it
into the hole. They are standing there listening, looking over the edge, when they hear a rustling behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the underbrush, run up to the hole and, without hesitation, jump in headfirst. While they are standing there staring at each other in amazement, peering into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer saunters up.
“Say there,” says the farmer, “you fellers didn’t happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?”
The first hunter says, “Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here minute ago and a goat came running out of the bushes doin’ bout a hunnerd miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this here hole!”
The old farmer said, “Naw, that’s impossible! I had him chained to a transmission.”

Could be my son?

A young punk rocker with a red mohawk walks into a pub to order a beer. He sits down next to an old man who he notices is staring at him. Finally the punk asks, what the hell you lookin at old man?!  didnt you ever do anything crazy when you were a kid?

The old man thought for a minute and responded, 

ya i did.

I had sex with a chicken, and I was wondering if you were my son.