Love you cheeseburger

Posted by: Mike Carver  /  Category: Funny Pictures, Love

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:

Posted by: Mike Carver  /  Category: Love

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize,
serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate,
stimulate, jiffy lube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify,
protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,
forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate,
entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige,
fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend,
coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromatize, fuse, fizz, rationalize,
detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept,
butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, loco mote, beg, plead, borrow, steal,
climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain,
calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt,
commit, enlist, pine, cajole, Anglicize, murmur, snuggle, snooze, snuffle,
elevate, enervate, alleviate, spot weld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste,
nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her
existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade,
flip, flop, fly, don’t care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle,
squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rocking’ in
the free world, wet, slacken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble,
drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle,
amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, and start
again.

Husbands and Wives, Volume: 73,983,512

Posted by: Mike Carver  /  Category: Love

Henny Youngman: You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Ann Bancroft: The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
Bill Cosby: Any husband who says. ”My wife and I are completely equal partners,” is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
Benjamin Franklin: Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
Henny Youngman: My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Rodney Dangerfield: My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Milton Berle A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
George Burns: I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Cindy Garner: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
Elaine Boosler: When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.
Henny Youngman: I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ”There was water in the carburetor.” I said, ”Where’s the car?” She said, ”In the lake.”
Phyllis Diller: Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Rita Rudner: My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
Henny Youngman: The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Erma Bombeck: People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.

Mary Lou

Posted by: Mike Carver  /  Category: Love

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee
and slapped him on the back of the head. “I found a piece of paper in your pants
pocket with the name ‘Mary Lou’ written on it,” she said, furious. “You had
better have an explanation.”

Calm down, honey, the man replied. “Remember last week when I was at the
dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on.”

The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again.

What was that for?” he complained.

Your dog called last night.”