Category: Holiday jokes
“Grandma got run over by the Trump train.
Rigging all the polls election eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as karma.
But as for me and America we believe.
She’d been drinking too much kool aid.
And we begged her not to cheat.
But she wasn’t on medication.
So she made deals with Arabs and DC elites.
Grandma got run over by the Trump train.
Rigging all the polls election eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as karma.
But as for me and America we believe.
When we found her the next morning.
People all screamed Trump was worse.
She had track marks on her forehead.
And incriminating emails in her purse.
Grandma got run over by the Trump train.
Rigging all the polls election eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as karma.
But as for me and America we believe.
Now we’re not real proud of liberals
They’ve not been taking it real well.
See them burning down their cities
Looting stores and overall just raising hell.
Grandma got run over by the Trump train.
Rigging all the polls election eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as karma.
But as for me and America we believe.
Now that Trump has won the White House.
All the snowflakes are about to crack.
And we just can’t help but wonder:
Will he let illegals stay or send them back?
SEND THEM BACK!!!
Grandma got run over by the Trump train.
Rigging all the polls election eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as karma.
But as for me and America we believe.
Now the economy is on an upswing.
And Americans sleep in peace. Ahh.
And the red white and blue fireworks.
Remind me how Mattis will deal with the middle east.
Grandma got run over by the Trump train.
Rigging all the polls election eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as karma.
But as for me and America we believe.
I celebrated with all my neighbors.
As Hillary fell from grace.
And now it makes me proud to say
God bless President Trump and the USA!”
‘Twas the Month after Chanukah
Twas the month after Chanukah, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibble, the latkas I’d taste
At Chanukah parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine or the egg creams, the bread and the cheese
and the way I’d never said, ”No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
and prepared once again to do battle with dirt—
I said to myself, as only I can
”You can’t spend the winter disguised as a man!”
So… away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of all chocolate, each cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
”Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick.
I’ll want to chew only a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore—
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer’s hoof.
As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, “You know, I think you’re the first reindeer I’ve ever seen in here.”
The reindeer looked hard at the hoofful of change and said, “Hmmmpf. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I’m the last reindeer you’ll see in here.”
Some good some bad, you decide… 
Christmas one liners.
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?
Santa Clues!
Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck!
What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday ?
Freeze a jolly good fellow !
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ?
Santapplause !
Twinkle Twinkle chocolate bar
Santa drives a rusty car
Press the starter
Press the choke
Off he goes in a cloud of smoke !
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?
Santa Jaws !
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe !
Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ?
Because they both have “Sandy claws” !
What does Father Christmas call his money ?
Iced lolly ?
What’s Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ?
Santa pause !